Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Perfectionism, the internal ‘itty bitty shitty committee’ and cracked pots

Well, here I am again at the middle of my week with head in hands and a neck throbbing with glands that aren’t happy. All the while, I’ve had this internal monologue going on. My own ‘itty bitty shitty committee’ has unequivocally decided that despite being ill with ‘the (glandular) fever’ – I’m just not good enough. When I’m running on automatic pilot, I tend to tell myself that I’m doing the wrong thing, asking the wrong questions, wording things the wrong way, that I appear stupid, am hopeless, bla bla bla – you get the picture! O - the energy it takes to be positive baffles me sometimes! 

The reason I’m writing all of this here, is that in my short experience as a Mumma, I’ve come to learn that so many of us feel this way far too often! Questioning, judging and scrutinising our every single move, while all the while doing our absolute best and tying ourselves in knots trying to do better. It’s exhausting just thinking about it - no wonder the light can’t get in! I’m referring here to a great quote I found recently –

'Ring the bells that still can ring; forget your perfect offering. There is a crack, a crack in everything - that's how the light gets in.' - Leonard Cohen

I know I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I was feeling the need to spend some time going inward and reflecting on the perfect, whole and complete nature of all things – well I haven’t really, truly, been able to devote as much time to that as I’d like (did you guess!), and I guess this is the result. Everything in me is screaming “balance”!! It’s so easy to focus all of my energy on bub, then ignore my inner voice and have things go a little pear shaped. In turn, out comes that little ‘committee’ I mentioned before and boy are they ready to party!

A friend sent me this little bit of footage and it really touched me – completely spoke to where I’m at right now. I love Chinese proverbs! So, this is for all you Mummas out there with the same unattainable definition of ‘perfection’ that I seem to be grappling with at the moment. Take a deep, deep breath, feel that divine light inside that connects us all, and enjoy...

With love.


michael said...

You've got a beautiful way with words my love. It's fanastic seeing from another perspective - this beautiful sheila with whom I share my life and family with.

indigomumma said...

You have said it beautifully! :) There are two major points in your post so important to every mumma. 1 - we must create space in our day and week for ourselves! It doesn't have to be a huge amount of time, just a little bit of 'me' space. I have been working on our rhythm and have created this time every morning and one day a week during Chilli's nap that is me time. I think it will create alot more balance. and 2 - we need to arrive at that place of knowing that we are bringing all that we can to that present moment and parenting to the best of our ability at that time - it is not always the way we think 'ideal' to deal with whatever certain situation is in front of us, but we do the best that we can at that moment - and that is all we can do. Arriving at these places and becoming comfortable with this knowledge creates great balance. Our children choose us knowing all our flaws, all our areas needing growth, all our ingrained and learned habits and old belief systems. They have come here to be nurtured by us, but they bring with them the amazing gift of offering us the beauty of growing ourselves - not separate to them or for them... but WITH them - that is one of the truest beauties of parenthood. You are an amazing person and wonderful mother. You are blessed and loved as is Aria to have chosen such a dedicated and open minded guide as her mother...

ps - the link is not working, I am interested to read the link you reference :) xxx